Sunday, June 10, 2012

What if...

Not eating after five was awesome. I managed to lose some weight. I gained it all back last night I'm sure. I'm a stress eater for sure. Last night was crazy raining and really hot out so all of my windows fogged up and I couldn't see a thing. After work I was driving down this really twisty turny road and I almost hit someone. I don't know who in their right mind would be out walking around in that kind of weather. I didn't actually almost hit her, like there was a decent amount of space between the car and her. There wasn't a dramatic screeching of the brakes or a violent swerve out of the way. I moved to the side a bit and so did she. End of story. But it still has me on edge. I hate driving. I know I'm a decent driver but I hate to do it. In high school we read this short story about this guy who goes for his driving test and he's like driving around with his mom and the car in front of him kicks up a rock that smashes through his windsheild and so he can't see and there's a huge car crash and his mom dies and a guy in an oncoming car dies. Then you find out its just simulated and the driving instructor people ask him if he still wants to take the test and he says yes so they drag him away because he's a bad person for not being freaked out by his mom virtually being killed and such. That story ruined driving for me. I don't know why it affected me so much, but ever since we read it, the second i sit down in a car and turn the key my mind is filled with endless senarios of a chain of random events that could lead to someone dying while I'm at the wheel. I know it won't happen, I'm a safe driver, always the speed limit, always checking my blindspots, radio never too loud to hear if somone outside honks or yells, never texting or phoning, but still. Last night if I had been driving faster, or if that person had been wearing darker clothes, or if I had driven past her at a bend in the road who knows what could have happened. But
 at the same time if I had driven a bit faster maybe I never would have even driven past her, maybe she wouldn't have even left her house yet.

So that crazy line of thinking is what kept me up all last night. What if...what if...what if...
Needless to say I binged like an obese person setting foot in McDonalds for the first time after 3 days with no food.

1 comment:

  1. At least you aren't like the people in my apartment. Three obese people, one gets their paycheck and it's restaurants twice a day, every day until the money runs out- usually about two or three days remarkably... *Rolling eyes*
    I stress eat too and I gotta stop. I try and channel my stress into not wanting to eat but I only win that about half the time.
    xoxo Good luck!