Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I've been living off of tea. That's it. My stomach doesn't want anything more, it can't take anything more. And this is all I lose? I've been feeling so numb lately, numb or angry. I'm not really angry either, just trying to be something other than numb or empty feeling. I miss my ex in a really detatched way. I miss who I was when I was with him, and who he was when he was with me. But at the same time I know we really weren't those people. They were just faces we put on to please each other. I miss putting on the faces, the charade of it all. At least when I was pretending I was happy, happy was still a part of the equation. He's changed since then, or he's more himself than he ever was with me, I'm not sure which. I haven't changed into someone else, or become more of anything. Just dissapearing, fading into the background. All I want right now is to be held by someone, but I know the second I let someone get close I'll feel strangled and suffocated.