Wednesday, June 27, 2012

0.2 down?

I've been living off of tea. That's it. My stomach doesn't want anything more, it can't take anything more. And this is all I lose? I've been feeling so numb lately, numb or angry. I'm not really angry either, just trying to be something other than numb or empty feeling. I miss my ex in a really detatched way. I miss who I was when I was with him, and who he was when he was with me. But at the same time I know we really weren't those people. They were just faces we put on to please each other. I miss putting on the faces, the charade of it all. At least when I was pretending I was happy, happy was still a part of the equation. He's changed since then, or he's more himself than he ever was with me, I'm not sure which. I haven't changed into someone else, or become more of anything. Just dissapearing, fading into the background. All I want right now is to be held by someone, but I know the second I let someone get close I'll feel strangled and suffocated.

3 comments:

  1. I wish I could hug you right now.. 0.2 is still a loss, maybe cos you havent eaten your body is clinging on to the tea - it may also be water retention..

    I hope you feel better <3 lots of love x

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  2. Numbness. Exactly. I feel you my dear. I kind of want to be held/ been feeling lonely too. I'm even talking to this one guy, but I'n not sure if anything will come from it. Oh well, I hope everything continues to go well, I''m jealous of you're control. I've been losing it lately. It's a pretty face on the outside, but broken on the inside. That's why my name is PrettyLies. Love you hon, keep at it.

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  3. That's what virtual hugs are for :)
    I know how that feels. I have to live with my ex, but now that he is showing his true colors I realize he is awful at color coordinating... But trust me, numb is so much better than the pain of watching your ex move on from you-every minute of every day. I wished so long for numbness but I think I am beginning to get over him. Physical withdrawal is the worst. I always want hugs. I am also weary of any new relationship, friends or otherwise. I feel you girl.
    Love you, maybe a stuffed animal would help some? I know it's childish but I love my bunny... Eh never mind >.<
    xoxo I know you can do it. *faith in you*

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