Saturday, May 12, 2012


CW: 153.4

I just want to be 152 already! My weight has been stuck in the 153s-154s for so long. I just want a new low weight. The good news is that yesterday when I was running on the eliptical I managed to push myself to go for 13 minutes. That probably doesn't seem like a lot to all of you seasoned exercise veterans out there but it's really a lot for me. I won't have a chance to use the eliptical today because I'm working a double shift at work and I'm just posting this quickly on my break. Unfortunately I won't have a chance to use it tomorrow either because I have work in the morning and right after work I'm going out with the family for mother's day. Monday I'll shoot for 14 minutes. Eventually I want to be able to go for an hour without my lungs feeling like they're on fire. My abs really hurt today. I didn't do any sit-ups or crunches or anything like that yesterday so I'm not sure why, but I guess it's a good thing. Maybe I was just holding them really tight while I was on the eliptical without noticing. I want to be 152 by monday, so that means I'm going to have to be really good tomorrow. That's going to be difficult because going out with my family means lots of food. I try to take a book with me to distract me but my dad yells at me for reading when everyone's together. I don't know why though, no one really talks to me anyways because all anyone ever talks about is sports. I just end up sitting there bored out of my mind, and thats when the mindless eating starts. I can't just sit there. Oh well, I guess tomorrow's just a test of how badly I want to be thin. If I overeat then it obviously means that I don't care enough.

I might be going out with some friends this coming week so I have to look good. Like really good. Shaye will be there and as much as I love her I don't want to sit there hearing about how she  thinks she looks so fat while I'm right next to her with my  backfat pooling around my brastraps.

This dress is at forever 21 and I want to be able to wear it to a girls night so badly. I want to wear it with black pantyhose and wedges and have my legs look like two stilts. Is that too much to ask...