Maintenance

CW: 160.2
GW: 155
UGW: 115

Breakfast: 2 poached eggs (147), 1 tsp paprika (6) = 153
Morning Snack: 1/2 granny smith apple (40) = 40
Lunch: 1 celery stick (6), 5 slices of cucumber (8), 1/4 sliced red bell pepper (8) = 22
Afternoon Snack: 1/2 granny smith apple (40) = 40
Dinner: vegetarian scallopine (180), 1 cup broccoli (35) = 215
Evening Snack: slice of bread (79), 1 tbsp honey butter (60) = 139

Total intake today: 609

My intake is actually a bit less than that probably. I spit out most of the cucumber and celery. Apparently I dont like celery at all and I can't eat cucumber by itself. Eventually I plan on building up a tolerance for cucumber because it's supposed to be good for you. I also cut the skin off of the apple, I'm not sure if there's even any calories in the skin, but if there are I didn't get them. I'm really paranoid about the wax that coats the apples and the pestecides that might be on the skin, it's stupid because if there were pestecides on the apple, they've probably already seeped through the skin into the apple's flesh. Maybe I cut the skin off as a more of a routine. I don't know.

I didn't gain any more weight and I didn't lose any, I just maintained. That's more than I could have asked for though considering how much I ate on the weekend. I ate an entire bag of ketchup chips, 2 bowls of vanilla frozen yogurt, 6 english muffin pizzas covered in cheese, lots of chocolate milk and some peanut butter chocolate thing my mom made, in adition to the regular amount of food I eat. For a moment I stepped out of my body and really saw myself. I looked like some otherworldy demonic creature curled up in the corner stuffing my face. To be honest it reminded me of that scene in Lord of the Rings where Gollum eats a raw rabit, it's completely animalistic and disturbing. So yah, that was what I looked like. Not something I ever want to go through again. The good news is my monthly visitor is gone and I don't have to deal with the hormones that come with it. I should't use it as an exuse for how I acted though. Next month will be different.

I'm planning my days out more thoroughly now and cramming my scedual with as much as possible so I don't have time to think about food. I've also started excercising more consistently. More weight training and running on the eliptical in the basement. We used to call it "the coat rack". That's about to change. I wan't to get to my first goal weight by Friday. My family wants to do something since we didn't get a chance to celebrate my birthday last week. They're going to want to go out to dinner, and we're going to go to a greasy chinese food buffet. Usually the birthday person gets to chose where everyone goes for their birthday dinner. I don't get to. Theres only one place I want to go, it's a shushi place near our house and it's really well priced. My younger brother doesn't "like" the smell so we can't go. It doesn't matter to them that there's almost nothing I can eat at the buffet because I'm a vegetarian. They think that its just a phase and that I'll be back to eating fat coated bloody animal flesh with the rest of them once I come to my senses. I don't eat meat because of my morals, I don't agree with the treatment of animals on factory farms and I don't like the negative environmental impacts of eating meat either. I don't try to push it on them, I'm not trying to push it on you guys either (I'm just ranting), so I don't know why they have to push eating meat on me. We drove almost two hours for my brother's birthday dinner, the place I want to go to is in town. I want to be thin enough to wear my tunic to dinner, and sit there eating nothing, to show them that they can't force the greasy food on me, and that for my birthday, for just one day of the year I would love for them to put me before him, just once a year is all I'm asking. Sorry for the rant. That was really long. To make up for it here's some thinspiration.

Love you guys,
Emma