I finally made it to my first goal weight! I can't believe I finally made it. Hopefully it won't take as long to make it to my second goal weight. I'm happy because I've finally made it here, but disappointed because it's taken so long. 4.6 pounds until my next goal weight. I can do this, and I won't take months to do it this time either. As the weather gets warmer it gets easier to lose weight because there's more calorie burning activities to do. This year I'm going to have a vegetable garden and all the weeding is apparently really good for your core with all the bending and whatnot. Plus you don't crave winter comfort foods like creamy soups, hot chocolate and massive amounts of salt. Spring and summer I crave lighter foods and the sugars that come from fruits naturally. The biggest motivation that comes along with the warm weather is shorts. I don't know how I'm going to avoid them this year. The thought scares the living shit out of me. I made a massive mistake when I was extremely depressed. If it was just one scar I could blame it on a bad fall or my dog, but there isn't any way I can blame over 20 scars on that. Regret follows me everywhere now. Looking back I don't know why I chose my calf. I'm glad it wasn't my wrists because I didn't and still don't want to die. But I don't know why I couldn't do it on my hipbones like I used to. I can't wear a bathing suit, I can't wear shorts, I can't wear skirts or dresses without dark pantyhose or leggings, I can't wear capris. I can't even wear a towel out of the bathroom after a shower during the quick walk to my bedroom or there would be too many questions. When they've faded more and don't look so precise and uniform I guess I'll blame them on climbing a fence gone wrong or something like that. Ladies I'm begging you all, if you cut, please stop. It's a terrible coping mechanism that leaves you with physical and emotional scars that can be worse than the ones that you're trying to escape. I know it's stupid hearing this from me and it may not make a difference, heck I even had someone who cared about me a whole lot begging me not to ever do it again and I didn't listen, but please try and understand where I'm coming from. These scars aren't something that just disappear. They're with you for life and they bring a lot of unwelcome questions down the road. I really value honesty, so one day if I meet the man of my dreams and he asks me where I got the scars I don't know what I'm going to tell him. These scars aren't something you can hide forever.
Sorry for the insanely long and preachy post but I had to get that off my chest.
Love you all so much,