Day one

I have no idea any of the calories in anything I ate yesterday because my mom decided to be Betty Crocker. So I'm starting today.

CW: 158.6

Breakfast: weird chocolate peanut butter thingy (200) =200
Lunch: 1  slice white bread (79), 1 tbsp honey butter (60) = 139
Dinner: granny smith apple (80) = 80
Snacks: 1/3 cup of 1% milk to put in my tea (34) = 34
Total = 453

Calories: 453 = 20 points
Water: way more than 2 litres = 20 points
Exercise: an hour of sit ups, lunges, and leg raises after work = 20 points
Sleep: 9 hours = 20 points
Total points today = 80

Sorry if this post is mostly calculations. It helps me to keep my thoughts organised and I can look back at this later and see what I was up to at this time. My mom told me the other day that she thinks I look like I lost weight. Kind of made me feel like shit because this was after I gained a bit back and it all went straight to my stomach. Ew. Plus, I always feel like whenever she makes comments about my weight it's backwards. Like she says I look like I've lost weight whenever I gain, and she's got eating issues herself. Our family doctor wanted to admit her to the hospital at one point from malnutrition and she needed to sit on a pillow because her butt got so boney she couldn't sit on the wooden chairs in the kitchen anymore without being in pain. She's unhappy in her marriage because my dad has gotten so fat, I can't blame her for that really because it's insane how fat he's gotten. He can't even move without grunting because it takes him so much effort. I have the same crappy metabolism as him, and when I was younger everyone used to say how I looked like him. I NEVER want to look like him ever. Back to the backwards compliment thing, I just feel like ever time she tells me I look good inside she's saying "you'll never be as good as me". She's like mid forties and weighs 128 (I think she's lying and weighs less than that), she's pretty tall and gave birth. That's great stats for someone her age. Like she has really wide hipbones but can still wear a size five that fits her perfectly. I haven't worn anything less than a size 7 since the 5th grade. She's always pushing me to eat too, what the hell? I feel like she's trying to keep me fat. Well no more of that. I will be lower than 128. No girl wants to be fatter than her mother.

Love you all,
Emma