Monday, September 03, 2012

Calm before the storm

Tomorrow morning I will wake up and weigh myself, something I haven't done in days. I said I was going to do better with my eating habits until school started, but of course that didn't happen. I think that success scares me. I never pay my phone bills on time, I don't deposit my paychecks regularly, I put off things until the last possible minute, or just don't do them altogether and hope that no one finds out. I have every possible opportunity and not only do I not take it, I work against myself. I willfully procrastinate. Even if it is easier to just get things done, even if that would be going with the flow, I push and shove until I'm in a position to fail. And then I tell myself that it's not my fault.

I don't know how I feel about tomorrow. I told myself that I would be less than 140 for the first day of school. Today I ate almonds, had a blueberry-pomegranate smoothie, and some leftover Italian cheese bread. I don't know if that's a victory or a loss. The scale will judge me tomorrow and read me my verdict. Guilty or innocent.

1 comment:

  1. Ah every day is a victory, and if not, find something small to be proud of, and something small to work on the next day. Rome wasn't built in a day. No one ever says how long it really took to build it though. I think procrastination has got to be a super normal thing to do. I do it all the time. Like, "Oops I was supposed to be this weight by today. I forgot..." o.o Well I did! ...Sort of...
    I bet the Romans procrastinated finishing Rome and that's why it really took so long. Or was it Italians...? Random stuff in this comment, sorry. :/
    Anyways. I hope you are doing well, and good luck!
    P.S. Judgement day- that sentence makes me wonder. So you die and go to heaven and step on a scale, what does it say? That would be an interesting judgement day. "Hm, she weighs really sweet and a good heart. Let her in." *Golden gates open up*