Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Gaining

I'm gaining again, I was almost back up to 144 but I've brought it back down to 142.4 I think. Needs to be lower. I'm falling behind in school work, I'm addicted to buying new clothes and shoes, I never see my friends anymore. Gah. How did things get messed up so quickly. I should be in the 130s right now. I should be shrinking so fast that I can't buy new clothes because I keep getting smaller and smalller, I should be happy and hang out with my friends more.

Right now I just want someone to hug me. I want them to hold me in their arms and pet my hair and tell me that everything is going to be okay, and that if it's not okay they'll make it okay because they love me and will protect me from the whole world. I know that's stupid. I should be strong by myself. I shouldn't need someone else. Strong girls don't need a guy to hold them up, skinny girls don't need a guy to pull them down. But I'm neither. I'm weak and fat and right now I need someone. But I don't have someone. And its because I'm weak and fat. The irony isn't lost on me. But it is making me tired

Comments:

Emma: Eventually I want to find the perfect chunky knit sweater, then my life will be complete. wearing boots is one of my favorite parts of fall :)

Venus: I don't care if commenting two times screws with your OCD because it makes me feel extra special :D so thanks for that. Maralin Monroe was absolutely gorgeous and I would kill to look as great as she did at 140, too bad I'm lacking two key things. Boobs and confidence. That lady had some serious curves going on to give her a hourglass shape, too bad I'm a pear, and she just oozed confidence out of every pore. Wow it does not feel like 20 pounds, I feel like I'm still as big as i was the day that i started this blog lol. How much have you lost since you started your blog? I feel like I lost more quickly before I blogged, but I'm happier now that I have one. Weird.

Vampire: Awe thanks, I'm really into clothes and fashion lately, but unfortunately I have no clue what I'm doing :p I have no clue what that's about and I should probably delete it because it really weirds me out that it's there

3 comments:

  1. Hey lovely. I know you've been down lately, but you have to be your own strength. You are the only person that's going to be there from birth until death, so you have to tell Ana to get her ass in the kitchen and make a sandwich. Ever since I've started this semester with keeping strong and telling myself I can, I've started to feel comfortable. I even lost 2 lbs without even trying. You have to find the one thing that can keep you calm and find your peace. For me, its working out and tea and music. Those are the things I turn to when I feel like I want to rip my hair out. Lobe ya hon, just know you're not alone and you will do this.let me know if there's anything I can do.

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  2. You aren't weak for having a basic human desire for comfort. Here's some love and luck being sent your way!

    <3

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  3. Well, I just looked at the beginning of my blog and I seem to have lost 15-20 pounds myself give or take a few. I lost better and faster before I started blogging too but I would rather blog about things than be cut off from the world. An hourglass figure is no fun. Guys hit on you more and they are usually drunks from the bar across the street or someone who sees your curves as something to grab onto. To most people, curves are curves are fat and that means, the smaller I am, the more I will become less of a sex object. But anyways, being strong can be quite lonely. I'd want a hug too. Gaining is no fun either.
    Good luck and I hope you find some more enthusiasm soon. :)
    xoxo

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