At least I'm not as sad as I used to be

Went out for drinks last night with one of my friends. We were going to go to a restaurant/bar but they wouldn't accept her ID so we went to the bar down the street and they were much nicer. The girl in the restaurant was rude right off the bat so we were much happier in the bar. I was a bit nervous because I had never gone to a bar before and the bar we went to has a kind of seedy reputation, but it's the only one in  town so that's probably why. I'm really glad that we went to the bar because at the restaurant I would have felt obligated to buy something to eat, but at the bar we were just like "ew bar food, no way." So that worked out really well. I ended up dressing up a bit, maybe a bit too much for a bar, but it's not my fault because I didn't know where we would end up, and I felt really pretty. My hair's gotten decently long so I straightened it with a little bit of a curl to it just in case it got really humid out. Black tube top with a goldish beige stripped baggy somewhat see through long sleeved shirt on top, black skinny jeans and dark brown ankle boots. We had fun and some drunk guy came over and talked to us, then some older guy bought us shots. It was pretty fun and I didn't have too too many extra calories, and I only ate almonds, a few cherries, and seaweed salad all day, so I was only at like 300 calories tops before I went.

I'm up to 147, but that was after breakfast so I'm not sure if that's accurate. I need to be 145 now!

Comments:

PrettyLies: Thanks so much, hopefully this won't get in the way of my friends too much, I did end up counting calories in my head all night long but I guess it's better than not going out at all

Emma: I love how positive you are, hopefully I get there soon. thanks :)

Vampire: It's the best feeling, hopefully we both get that feeling a lot more often

Two is better than one

I've decided to keep two blogs. This one will be for my weight and general ramblings and the other will be for my really lonely ramblings, because that's all I did on that blog.

I've gotten down to 146 and that makes me a lot happier. I don't know how many calories I've been eating every day, but it's not many. Today I'm skipping dinner with my family and some old family friends so that I don't have to worry about eating in front of them. I can already feel the stares that I would get if I went. One of the people is my mom's best friend and the last time that she saw me she was rip roaring drunk and started going on about how I had lost so much weight and bla bla bla. I can't see her when she's sober and realises that I haven't really lost as much as she thought. I want to wait until I really have lost a lot of weight and can match or even beat her beer goggles vision of me. I'm only one pound away from my third goal weight and I am going to get to it this week! My work pants are fitting slightly baggy and I need to buy a new smaller pair soon. It's very exciting that soon they'll be too big.

I'm moving

I've missed blogging so much. Reading all of your blogs and having some of you read and comment on mine was really important to me and it was a stupid thing for me to cut that out. I was getting depressed because I tried to be more than I was ready for. This time is going to be different. My blog was supposed to be about me becoming a new person, not me wishing that I was thinner. It was supposed to be about so much more than that. I'll still be working on managing my weight, but I'll also be working on more aspects of my life. Check it out if you want in my new different blog.

Gone Fishin'

Lately I find myself fishing for compliments. I don't know why. It's not like I deserve them. Compliments don't belong to me, they're the property of girls with milky skin stretched tight over matchstick bones. I've been drifting into the space reserved for those perfect girls, believing I have the same rights as them, that I deserve what they have. I need to stop deluding myself. Hard work, commitment, and perseverance is what gets you there. I have none of that. I'm taking some time to find it. Sorry if I don't comment on any of your blogs, but I am still reading. I just prefer to read it from the beginning to present, so if you see a sudden spike in views it's probably me. I'll be back when everything is sorted out. Everything has a nice little box that it belongs in and I need to put everything away so that I can concentrate. Life is too messy right now.