Those who can't do

So I'm pretty sure that some of my best friends are bulimic. They were already really thin, and now they're even thinner (is thinner a word?). They eat an insane amount of food and then spend way too much time in the bathroom. They're constantly weighing themselves, talking about how much their rib cages stick out. I'm jealous. It sounds completely ridiculous, but I would be bulimic if I could. Whenever I binge, which is way too often for my liking, I spend forever in the washroom shoving my fingers down my throat hoping that something will come up. I cough a little, but my stomach doesn't even heave. I end up with a dry raspy throat and feel even worse about myself. I can't eat right, and I can't even throw up right. I spent about half an hour tonight on the edge of the bathtub next to the toilet with my toothbrush handle shoved down my throat. I figured that maybe I just couldn't reach far enough with my fingers. That still didn't work. So I know that this is tmi but I took a handful (okay really like 3, but they're horse sized pills and I've never taken them before) of laxies so hopefully I can get at least something out of my system before it does too much damage. I'm not sure what my weight is right now but I'll update tomorrow. I'll have internet this week so I can actually update a bit more regularly. Counting calories again starting tomorrow morning. I need to get my ass in gear. Got wintergirls from the library so hopefully that can be a bit of motivation. There needs to be more stories about anorexia out there. They make me feel more organized. I want to be 130 by Christmas. At the VERY most!! Anything more than that and I think I'll die of disappointment in myself.

Do any of you ladies take laxies? I'm not sure what to expect, I don't even know whats a decent brand. Right now I'm just drinking lots of water and waiting for them to kick in.

 

I want that thigh gap so badly. Theres the smallest gap right now when I stand with my feet together. But its only a sliver.